Prayer

Prayer is a curious thing. I have been thinking quite a bit about it lately and its complexities. Prayer? Complex? Well, no, not really, but our perspective on life, God, and circumstances make it complex. Honestly, it’s how we pray that makes it so complex.

I will give a real life example…..bear with me:

God chose to throw at me several trials over the last 6 months including a breakup, a graduate recital, a final semester of grad school, and job hunting. Each a different trial in and of itself. First though, the job hunting. There were 2 particular jobs that I wanted, but at different times. At first it was a teaching job in Guam. Beautiful island, teaching speech, incredible ministry. God saw fit to say no, though. Honestly, and some of my friends will attest to this, I was bitter. Wasn’t this a good job? I was willing to give up a lot to go and God knew I desired it. I prayed for it. Why would God deny me the awesome opportunity when I and so many others prayed for it? Did that mean He didn’t answer my prayer or just that He didn’t answer it the way I wanted Him to? Well, I moved on and tried to speak truth to myself that God was in control and wanted the best for me. Then came an opportunity to teach speech somewhere else. Definitely seemed like a perfect fit and I really desired it. While it was pending, God opened the door for 2 other combined possibilities back home. Another honest moment here: I didn’t want to move back home. It was actually the last thing on my list. I even had a horrid attitude while staying at home for a few weeks in the summer. So, I prayed earnestly and hard for the teaching job. Several others were praying for me too. But something curious happened……God started to change me through this action of prayer. How, you ask? Well, I was rebuked by how strong my desire overwhelmed the desire for God’s will. What if God willed me to stay home? What if His kingdom could be furthered through me by working and living at home? I had to change my prayer. Instead of just praying for the job I so desperately wanted, I also prayed that God would make my desire for His will stronger. I didn’t deny my desire for the job, I just softened it to God’s desires. It also made me start thinking, “Wait…..if God already has a plan, why am I praying anyways? He’s going to fulfill His will no matter how hard I pray for whatever outcome.” True. We can’t thwart God’s will. He’s bigger. His weakest is stronger than our strongest. I started doubting prayer. But then I realized that while I was praying, my faith strengthened and my love grew. What? How does that work? You know, I’m not sure exactly. I don’t even know if I’m supposed to know. But it works. Maybe because I knew I had someone on my side who is bigger than my circumstances and my emotions and my desires and I knew I couldn’t limit Him no matter how hard I tried. That’s beautiful. By the end, God gave/has given me peace. True, authentic peace. He has something for me. I don’t know what it is, but He does. That’s all I need to know. Again, beautiful.

God saw fit to say no again to the job on the top of my list. Why? I don’t know. Does that make Him less good for denying me a really great job? Maybe my view of what is ‘good’ is limited. God sees the forest…..I see the tree.

Note this: God ALWAYS answers prayer. Whenever I hear/see that God has seen fit to say yes to someone, the response is “God answers prayers!” Yes, you are right. But if He said no, would you be saying the same thing? You should be. God always answers, but He doesn’t always answer yes. Be ok with that. He knows better. He is bigger.

As far as the other trials/beautification processes go, I won’t take up any more space here, but ask me about it. Let’s do coffee. Let me show you how big my God is in my sight and life and the power of prayer. He has set me free and liberated me from myself. Awesome and beautiful.