Two new poems - Break Free and Beautiful Brokenness

Rough drafts, but a start. Just some needful expression.

Break Free

Standing here looking at the sky

I see the birds spread their wings and fly away

If they only knew how I envy them

But instead I’m stuck here with my feet on the ground.

I keep going round and round in my head

Dealing with the thoughts I can’t seem to shake.

It’s like my feet are stuck in the thickest mud

And I just can’t seem to get out.

But I don’t have to

I don’t have to have chains of bondage.

I have a choice

God has given me a choice

God has given me freedom

To break free

I see and feel bars all around me

I feel the pain of the shackles on my feet

I search desperately for the key

Or at least something to pick the lock

I try to use substitutes and distractions

Things that will never replace

I try to do it on my own

But end up on my knees.

But I don’t have to

I don’t have to have chains of bondage.

I have a choice

God has given me a choice

God has given me freedom

To break free

I’m going to break free

God has given the key

God has given me wings

God opens the door

I spread my wings

To break free

I’m going to break free

Beautiful Brokenness

There was that moment in time

When my world feel apart.

Doubled-over in pain

From a broken heart.

Everything went from bad to worse

Just like the life of Job.

I craved the sunrise

After the darkest night.

There’s a beauty in brokenness

A diamond in the rough.

A single shining star in the dark

But never seen til night.

Refined gold never shines

Unless put through the fire.

Beautiful brokenness.

I see the faces around me

Haunted by suffering.

Hurt, distress, worry, grief.

Why must it be this way?

Amidst the dark, I see a dim light.

The light of hope not seen in the day.

If we never know pain

We’ll never know true joy.

There’s a beauty in brokenness

A diamond in the rough.

A single shining star in the dark

But never seen til night.

Refined gold never shines

Unless put through the fire.

Beautiful brokenness.

I can’t shine til tried

A light in the dark

I can’t be beautiful

Til I’m broken

God uses the broken

Scars

"And there's always scars when you fall that far." - TobyMac

"In the middle of the journey of our life, I came to myself in a dark wood." - Dante


Lately I've really noticed the large scar on Jackson's chest. For those who don't know, Jackson, the little baby that I watch on a daily basis, was born with a heart defect. He had surgery when he was 4 months old to correct it, leaving him with a large scar on his chest. I call it his heart scar. Heart scar. Think about that for a minute. I know I have several times then I think of other heart scars. Those we can't see on the outside, but feel everyday. Know what I'm talking about? We all have them. Hurts from the past, either from others or ourselves. Some heal nicely, some not so nice. Some still itch, some get infected. No two scars alike.

I can still feel my two biggest scars. They have healed differently. One still itches, but the other one is barely visible. I'll share the latter. For those who don't know, I was involved in a serious car accident about 6 years ago. I came away with just a bruised arm, but the other driver did not come away at all...she was thrown under her car and killed instantly. The image will forever be seared into my mind. I will live with it for the rest of my life. Every time I hear about a car wreck, I cringe. Anyone remember that scene in Fireproof where those girls had wrecked their car and the firefighters were trying to get their car off the railroad tracks? Yeah, I bawled the whole time. There's a tender spot on my heart concerning that. A heart scar. Praise God, He has bound up the wound and allow a barely visible scar. How do I know that? Example: I was driving home from a friend's house late the other night and happened upon a wreck that looked incredibly similar to mine....car flipped. I have no clue if anyone was hurt, but it brought flashbacks to my mind. The mental pictures. But the incredible thing was that there was no hurt. There was no nightmare. Yes, still memories, but no pain. I knew God had taken care of it. He always does.

As for my other big scar, it still itches. It's different from the other so I know it will and has taken a different healing process. I'm ok with that. I have a faithful God so I know it will be ok.

What I have found to be the coolest part about scars is that they are scars. Not open wounds.  I think about the central line/tube that was in Jackson's chest. While it was in his body (his trial), he was bound by that. He was limited. My wounds limit me. My thoughts outside of trusting God limit me. Once the doctor's removed Jackson's tube, he was free. Free to be himself. Free to fly. The same goes with me. God removes my doubts by filling me with Him. That frees me. I am free to fly. Chains no longer bind me. Only the healing of Christ binds my wounds, and that ironically frees me. I am a bird with untainted wings.

Scars are what define us. Without them, we are not who we are supposed to be. We don't grow. They make us stronger. Take heart though. They will be dissolved in eternity....

"Our scars won't be eternal. His are." - Amy Carmichael